Friday, December 17, 2010


Every once in a while, I let my memory wander back, today I got to thinking about when I was in Hollywood week on American Idol, it was hard to fathom that I'd actually had that Gold Ticket in my hand, that I had made it even that far. What most people don't realize at home is just how far you've already come in that stage of the game, an early stage, nonetheless farther then most ever get to be, from several thousands the number is whittled down to a few hundred, the odds are slim for all of us, just ask my accountant husband, he did the math. It is all very surreal, almost dream-like and you can't wrap your head around what is happening. There is almost a permanent anxiety that settles in the moment you hear "you're going to hollywood", and it just accumulates with every cut that you survive. And that is the mode you learn to exist in, survival. First there is the pressure of making an impact, giving it everything you have to give, standing out, being the best you that you can be, making mistakes, recovering, making eye contact, making a connection and then you wait for the verdict, the waiting is the hardest part, then comes the "you're through to the next round" sheer relief, the excitement, gratitude and the hope of what could be, and then next comes the "how do I do it again?" and then you see your friends that you just made get eliminated, you wonder how in the world you made it and they didn't, you say goodbye and they go home, and so it goes, week after week after week after week.... until it's over. Or so you think...

Anywho there was this particular moment that Dave and I often revisit. It was the last day of Hollywood week, I had made the cut into the last and final round. All there was to do was to try to get some sleep, wake up the next day and wait to hear my name as part of the final 50. Sleeping isn't an easy task in this given scenario. Dave had come to take me to dinner that night, we went to Hot Wings cafe. It was a relief to go escape for a bit, to get some fresh air and take a break from all of it. I had no appetite all week, and there we sat as I tried to eat a few chicken wings and carrot sticks and then I remember Dave saying "Can you believe this is really happening? I mean, could you imagine if you made it to the Top 50?!" In that moment, just making the Top 50 was almost an unobtainable thought. It was huge, and just the thought of it, the Hope for what could be consumed the both of us. We could have never been prepared for what the future would hold. Looking back now, I wouldn't have believed it if you'd told me that I would make it all the way to the Top 5. I still can't, sometimes random strangers will approach me and apologize that I didn't make it farther, I almost have to laugh, I reassure them that there is no need to be sorry, I'm not, I went from waiting my first audition for over 20 hours in Philadelphia, and out of nearly 105,000 people that auditioned nationwide for season 7 I was one of the last 5 standing. WOW!!! I still get a kick out of it and have to remind myself that it was real. I am humbled by the thought and grateful... because the reason I got to stay was because of you...

The reason I get to keep going is because of you. Coming off the show there is this great unknown, you existed in a bubble for so long that it is hard to mentally grasp that for week after week you sang in the living rooms of literally millions upon millions of people. People that cheered for you, loved you and voted for you and helped you to your dream. It is so much bigger than you can even comprehend. There is a hopeful optimism. You will never be the same, your life will never be the same. You have just seen the top of Mount Everest, but... you don't get to stay. As time goes by you try to figure out what is next, where you belong, how you are going to make the most of what you've been given. I like to refer to this phase at P.I.T. "Post Idol Trauma". I joke but i'm serious. Somehow you find a way to get out of the P.I.T. and start back at base camp and you get back to climbing, and you climb, and you climb and it gets real and it get's hard. That spotlight begins to slowly fade and you wonder how you are going to continue to shine, how you will keep climbing, how you are going to not fall. You think back to that moment where you had allowed yourself to dream about what might have been, now you're living it and it surprises you that those moments when you would wait to hear "you've made it to the next round" still exist, but you're not on a TV show anymore, you're in the real world now. There are few of us that get to go on and be Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson. But we all get a real chance, and it all depends on what we make of it... I'm not the richest or most famous, but the phone rings, I write songs, make records, perform on stages, I'm a girl with glasses and shoot... I even got to act in a made for TV movie, I work and I'm grateful...

There is life after American Idol, and a story that continues to be written. But what I've found is that it all comes down to connecting. Making a truly lasting connection with people through the expression of music, and that is exactly what will sustain me through every "round". In a business obsessed with statistics and numbers and popularity and instant results it can be hard to not let it get you down. But, at this point in my life and career, I shifted my focus, I care about quality, about consistency and about the steady and day to day connection that I have with you, my fans. And my fans are of the most genuine quality. Almost three years has past and I am in awe that so many of you have stuck around, you listen to my songs on your ipod, some of you send me tweets every single day, you know who you are and I know who you are. Your support and encouragement keep me going, and I just wanted you to know just how valuable it is to me.

I've got more songs in the making, nearly 20 actually... really it's hard to keep them to myself, cause I write them for you, can't wait for you to hear them:)


  1. and on top of all the singing & the song stuff, you write a very interesting, thought provoking blog. plus, you got to kiss joe flanigan! :)

  2. We are looking forward to your next CD, Brooke!

  3. you are a rad lady, brooke. thanks for being an inspiration to so many of us. and thanks especially for inspiring girls with glasses all over the world, like me. :) thank you for being a dreamer, and for letting all fellow dreamers know that it can be done, and to never give up. if i had to write down a list of personal heroes, you would, without a doubt, be one of them. <3

  4. Brooke, when I see and hear someone with exceptional talent something immediately goes off within me. The first time I heard Britney Spears I said this girl is going to the top, despite people telling me she wasn’t that good. When I heard the first note come out of Carrie Underwood’s mouth, I said this girl is going to the top. And the first time I heard Brooke White, I said the same thing. This girl is going to the top and she is on her way.

  5. Brooke, I just love you! You are one of the sweetest people ever and you make me so proud to say I'm your fan. As long as you continue to make music, I promise I'll always listen to it :)

  6. I don't tweet you every day, but I follow you, and always smile when I read your tweets and your blog. I do listen to your songs regularly, and am out here waiting patiently for the next CD. I know it will be filled with "Brooke Songs", and that is something to look forward to. =) Best wishes for all possible success to come your way. You deserve it.

  7. I'm so excited to hear your new songs Brooke! My mom and I listen to High Hopes and Heart Break on every car trip we take. And I learned to play guitar just because I wanted to play radio radio so badly. LOL

  8. beautiful post. it's refreshing to know there are people like you in the industry.

    also I love GWG. Really quite brilliant.

  9. Hey, no problem. It's been a pleasure to follow your career as it grows. You are an extremely nice and multi-talented artist, something that is very rare in this world.

  10. I am happy to have shared your journey from birth. I saw that sparkle in your eyes the day you were born and through it all you have never changed.

  11. Hi Ms. Brooke!

    Mabuhay from the Philippines! I wrote u 6 months ago and got an RTS from ur Sherman Oaks address... do have a working address now for us FILIPINO fans? ;)

    u rock!!!

  12. You've come a looonnng way and a looonnng way to go! Sometimes a slower start is more enriching because you learn more along the way and you don't allow yourself to be pushed into the media. Having fun along the way too is important or you end up like some in the news in the last few days. Used up! Just like the rest!
    You shine!

  13. It is interesting to hear you speak honestly about your P.I.T. -- the truth be known, I would imagine that is the hardest part of the whole Idol experience.

    Not everyone has the ability to sustain a high profile career in the entertainment industry. It is not always the most talented in this business that succeed either. The glittery road to tinsel town is paved with "hasbeens" and "almosts."

    It is nice to see you have a realistic idea of what you heve been through and where you are headed. I suspect that you will be one of the very rare alumn from AI that didn't win (but should have) that really achieves major success anyway.



  14. Just wanted to say that I admire you!.

    Admire who you are and how successful you've made yourself - I presume not super successful financially but that you've made your self happy and a decent career. Those two things are the only things needed to be happy and have the perfect life!

    I think you've done post - Idol life perfectly, Not with a short 15 mintues of fame but by making genuine fans who love you as a person and by that you will have a mild fame that is worth much more than super fame where you have fans that are obsessed with you but don't personally love or know you as a person.

    Thanks for being a great person!

  15. Brooke-

    You describe very well why the show is compelling to the viewer. As the show begins we pick the people we find not only the most talented but also the people we can somehow identify with. As our favorite moves along we the fans become emotionally involved in their journey. This stranger becomes "our idol" and we share the highs (Let it be), share the odd moments (the twirl) and we also share the lows (having to restart the song). All the while we grow closer to this person that we do not really know, and we know that like life, the death of “our idol” is almost a certainty. In it's way, AI is a weekly public execution of a friend (of course it's a metaphorical death but the emotional attachment we share to our idol makes it feel more substantial). We cheer, we empathize and we do all WE can do by voting. As the weeks roll on we are trying desperately to help our new friend in which we now share a common dream.

    It all makes for compelling television. I had never watched idol before season 7 but finally did so because so many friends from work watched the show. I was taken with your talent, your vulnerability and also your very genuine nature. You seemed so very real that it was almost like having a sister on the show. Being an AI novice, I assumed that you would go far very early on. As I have watched subsequent seasons, I realize that the females have a terrible disadvantage because of the demographics of the shows voters. The fact that you made top 5 is a great credit to you. Brooke White shined with a divine light on AI, it was wonderful to have had the opportunity to share your journey. You stayed true to yourself throughout the very trying weeks of season 7 and although your last night was a struggle (to you and to all your fans I can assure you), you seemed to have handled the AI ride very well from the beginning until today.

    I do not know where you career will take you, but from your writing I see clearly that you have a solid perspective on this chapter of your life and that will serve you very well. You are an original (Girls with Glasses? Who else but Brooke White would take this delightful direction) and I believe that you will continue to shine brightly in all you do.

    Clearly the instant stardom of AI is unsustainable for almost all of the contestants. The drama of their rise and subsequent fall is why the show has sustained itself so well over 9 seasons. However, as the story of Brooke White continues to unfold, understand that many of your fans remain with you. We are almost all completely anonymous to you but we remain emotionally attached to your journey and in a real sense, share it with you. Good luck girl, we are counting on you as always.

  16. I can not wait to get to hear more of your music.
    Living in Europe, we do not get to hear you on the radio and the only way to keep up with you, is faceboon and this blog (Tweeting ist just not my thing ;) )

    I love your music, and I really wish we could buy the musical sheets as well, I so want to either sing one of your songs with my choir or sing it alone when I go for singing lessons

  17. Posts like this are precisely WHY we all stand by you - not only are you talented, but you are genuine, you are sincere, and you truly care. In an industry that can be so impersonal, you take the time because you want to, because it's important. You're an inspiration, Brooke :)

  18. Aw, thank you for writing this - it's been a few days so I hope you see the message. I don't tweet you every day (or hardly ever anymore), but I do read each of your tweets. I've followed and unfollowed dozens upon dozens of celebrities/musicians, etc, but you are the one I have followed the longest because you have stayed so REAL. You don't use Twitter as merely a promotional tool, but you show that you're a real person and have your ups and downs like everyone else.

    I am so happy that your have ridden out the P.I.T. and you are still getting amazing opportunities. I hope 2011 will be even more amazing than the past 3 years have been :).

  19. Loved this post! I remember cheering for you every week on idol.. and voting! There was something so authentic and real about you. You sang like an angel and you inspired people with your sweet and genuine smile. You have staying power Brooke..even after Idol, you have proved it! Good for you! Your fans are still cheering you on!